Captain Gob

There was an uncle of mine
Whose hobby was how to hum,
To cough and cackle and lob;
So far he spitted so fine
Had they home and whole earldom
Quite good him called Captain Gob.

He got his gob so sluggy,
So gum and great and greasy
‘T would go boiling when gurgled,
And got gaggled when giggled!
Gosh! Be sure in each contest
Could he beat his best conquest,
Sugaring and salting it,
Peppering his thick deep spit,
Roll and brew from rear to fore
Roar and snore for north and south,
He prepared ready to pour
Around rows of teeth in mouth;
There he threw from through the throat
To thrash them swifter than thought!

How I miss old Captain Gob
As the germers he’d hobnob,
Since he swallowed such a spit
It soon strangled this to death,
In sooth he hacked –he half-wit!
Hard and choked, hence out of breath.